Much Ado About Nothing (For 2 Solid Hours)

Watching last night’s GOP Debate left me with the question: What, if anything, was actually discussed? Between the buzz words, character assassinations, and Donald Trump hand waves, there was absolutely nothing. The GOP Debate was just that: buzz words, character assassinations, and Trump jazz hands.

But, if the debate has taught us anything, it has taught us that absurdity comes in many forms, and 10 manifestations appeared on stage last night. While we may be quick to jump on Trump as the politico ad absurdum extraordinaire, I’m convinced that his presence next to the other candidates ensures that everyone else’s absurdities seem like sagely wisdom.

Some of my personal favorites:


Senator Ted Cruz’s assertion that he would open a federal investigation into the recent allegations that Planned Parenthood profits off the sales of fetuses.  This was said despite the fact that there is strong evidence that the videos are heavily edited and the organization that released them is known for such antics

And, is there a better way to distance yourself from past sexist statements than by making new sexist statements?


Trump accused the Mexican government of purposely sending all of the “bad guys” over the border to commit “killings, murders, and crime” and suggested that we build an actual wall between the United States and Mexico.

Trump on the border of the new U.S./Mexico Wall

While Trump was espousing on his Game-of-Thrones-binge-style-politics with all of the political acumen of Cersei Lannister, you may have missed Senator Marco Rubio suggesting that while he would like to expand the fence, El-Chapo may dig underneath that too. Absent from all of this was Governor Rick Santorum’s statement during the second-tier debate that breaking up immigrant families is justifiable. The evidence: “the compassion in our laws.”

But, thank goodness Trump was there to remind us that before he graced us with his presence, no one had ever discussed immigration before.


There was general agreement that the Iran deal was bad. Though, there was also a general agreement (by me) that the candidates wouldn’t know the meaning of the word diplomacy if it dropped a bomb on them. Allegations that the United States gave too much away or that we did not benefit belie the fact that diplomatic efforts are about compromise, not winning.

Scott Walker chimed in with his childhood memory “tying a yellow ribbon on the tree in front of my house during those 44 days (of the Iran hostage crisis)”

War, destruction, and chaos will reign when diplomacy wins out, apparently.


Wait, they covered that?


This doesn’t even begin to cover every bit of absurdity that occurred last night. Ben Carson solved America’s racial divide by reminding us that he sees only brains, not race. Senator John Kasich stood out for his seemingly reasonable demeanor (but reasonable does not equate to right) and he even has gay friends! Mike Huckabee reminded us of the true aim of the military is “to kill people and break things,” not a “social experiment” for transgender people.

But, I think what we really learned is that Americans can’t say no to a face like this:

Published by Dan Lark

"What would it mean to have that thought?"

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